1 00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:14,696 [phone ringing] 2 00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:20,073 Hi. You've reached Samir's landline, which I just realized we have. 3 00:00:20,307 --> 00:00:22,979 -Hi, Issa. It's Samir's mom. -Oh, my God. Hi, Mrs. Rahman. 4 00:00:23,212 --> 00:00:25,317 -I'm talking to you on your phone. -How's the house doing? 5 00:00:25,384 --> 00:00:26,887 House is great. House is normal. 6 00:00:27,154 --> 00:00:28,724 Is Samir there? He's not answering his phone. 7 00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,226 Oh, Samir? Samir... 8 00:00:30,327 --> 00:00:31,931 Well, he's probably FaceTiming his girlfriend. 9 00:00:32,197 --> 00:00:34,503 Girl to girl, your son's balls are in an absolute headlock. 10 00:00:34,569 --> 00:00:37,074 There you go. I got an omelet for my husband. 11 00:00:37,141 --> 00:00:39,747 -Watch out, okay? That plate is hot. -Thank you. 12 00:00:39,814 --> 00:00:40,982 [Issa] Paul Baker. 13 00:00:41,382 --> 00:00:44,255 -And an omelet for my "lovesband." -[stammers] 14 00:00:44,421 --> 00:00:45,959 -What? -I don't know. 15 00:00:46,025 --> 00:00:48,329 Uh, Anton, talk to Samir's mom. Paul Baker, you come with me. 16 00:00:48,463 --> 00:00:50,133 Lina, hi. I heard you're in Paris. 17 00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:51,837 -Where we going? -It's season 2, Paul Baker. 18 00:00:52,104 --> 00:00:54,108 -We're doing a oner. -[Billie] See you again sometime. 19 00:00:54,175 --> 00:00:56,079 Okay. Bye, Austin. [chuckles] 20 00:00:56,145 --> 00:00:57,549 -Name's Dayton. -Dayton? 21 00:00:57,649 --> 00:00:59,853 -Yeah. -Shit. Yeah, I knew it was a city. 22 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,857 I think I called him Austin last night, though. 23 00:01:01,923 --> 00:01:04,028 -Obviously, yeah. -[Carly] Okay, now what? 24 00:01:04,228 --> 00:01:06,734 Okay, now I'm in the kitchen with everybody. Say hi. Everybody, say hi. 25 00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:08,504 -[Paul, Issa] Hi. -[Billie] Hi, Carly. 26 00:01:08,571 --> 00:01:10,975 -Now I'm getting juice. -Ooh, a garbage strike? 27 00:01:11,142 --> 00:01:12,679 Très chic. Magnifique. 28 00:01:12,745 --> 00:01:14,917 -It's your parents, Samir. So take this. -Oh, shit. 29 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,654 -Hi. -Hi, Carly. 30 00:01:16,721 --> 00:01:18,289 -[Carly] Hi. -I'm freeing you from this FaceTime. 31 00:01:18,356 --> 00:01:19,760 -[Carly] Thank you. -Okay, bye. 32 00:01:19,859 --> 00:01:22,832 -Sweet girl. Perfect teeth. -Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 33 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,670 -Yeah, I'll tell them. -What? 34 00:01:24,737 --> 00:01:26,339 [stammers] Uh-huh. 35 00:01:26,405 --> 00:01:28,343 -It's about us smoking on the roof? -I took a shower on the lawn. 36 00:01:28,409 --> 00:01:30,080 -I'm sorry. -Tell her I'm sorry about the fire. 37 00:01:30,246 --> 00:01:31,583 -Okay. -[Issa] I'm really sorry. 38 00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:33,921 Okay, Mama. All right. I love you. 39 00:01:34,388 --> 00:01:35,858 -[Lina] Bye. -Bye. 40 00:01:36,125 --> 00:01:37,662 The neighbors are complaining about the crop tops. 41 00:01:38,564 --> 00:01:40,100 -Oh, come on. -That's homophobic. 42 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:42,137 Was it Doreen? Ugh, she's just bored. 43 00:01:43,607 --> 00:01:45,778 [♪♪ theme music playing] 44 00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:03,012 Do you have the Wi-Fi password? 45 00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:04,850 You're not on the Wi-Fi? 46 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,687 Oh, my God. You sent feelers out to all of these companies? 47 00:02:06,787 --> 00:02:09,492 Yep. Ninety-seven of 'em. No more temp jobs. 48 00:02:09,559 --> 00:02:11,262 Mama's getting herself a career this year. 49 00:02:11,329 --> 00:02:14,001 Yes, she is. And mama wants to be a... 50 00:02:14,736 --> 00:02:16,038 "junior compliance officer"? 51 00:02:16,105 --> 00:02:17,576 Mama's casting a wide net. 52 00:02:17,675 --> 00:02:19,646 -You trying to make mama feel bad? -No, mama, no. 53 00:02:19,813 --> 00:02:21,282 -There we go. -We're on? 54 00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:22,619 Great. Eyes up here! Okay, it's happening! 55 00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:24,690 Oh, Samir, the newlyweds are talking! 56 00:02:24,756 --> 00:02:27,762 [clears throat] So, in honor of Billie applying for jobs again... 57 00:02:27,795 --> 00:02:29,799 [all cheering] 58 00:02:29,799 --> 00:02:29,833 [all cheering] ...and Issa deciding that she wants to work more than five hours a week... 59 00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,737 ...and Issa deciding that she wants to work more than five hours a week... 60 00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:33,240 Whoo! [chuckles] 61 00:02:33,306 --> 00:02:35,177 -It's getting dark in this mind of mine. -[Anton] Yeah. 62 00:02:35,410 --> 00:02:36,914 ...we took the morning to comb through your social media 63 00:02:37,214 --> 00:02:39,753 for anything fucked up or otherwise unemployable. 64 00:02:39,953 --> 00:02:42,258 And the results are shocking. 65 00:02:42,457 --> 00:02:43,359 [gasps] In a good way? 66 00:02:43,527 --> 00:02:44,963 -No. -In a bad way. 67 00:02:45,196 --> 00:02:46,834 [Paul] Very. 68 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,538 -Samir, sit. We're doing the scrub. -[Paul] And you are up first. 69 00:02:48,704 --> 00:02:50,407 -Wait, what? -[Paul] Boom. 70 00:02:50,473 --> 00:02:53,380 Jennifer Garner, I choreographed this dance for you. 71 00:02:53,447 --> 00:02:54,883 Oh. What the fu... 72 00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:56,318 Don't let the election get you down, girl. 73 00:02:56,485 --> 00:02:57,622 [ ♪♪ "Glad You Came" playing] 74 00:02:57,755 --> 00:02:59,693 [Samir] Stop, stop. Make it stop. 75 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,597 And did this work on Jennifer Garner? 76 00:03:01,730 --> 00:03:03,133 Yeah. Did she like it? [chuckles] 77 00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:04,636 Yeah, we're dating still. Scrub it. 78 00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,509 Wow. Samir, if that was on my Facebook page, 79 00:03:07,675 --> 00:03:09,045 I would light myself on fire. 80 00:03:09,344 --> 00:03:11,951 Well, get your matches, girl. 'Cause you're up next. 81 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,121 Wait, what? 82 00:03:14,188 --> 00:03:16,760 Hi, guys. Today, I am going to be ranking the top ten worst accents. 83 00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:17,829 [screams] 84 00:03:17,896 --> 00:03:20,033 -First up, Jamaican. -No, no. 85 00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:22,538 [Jamaican accent] You sound crazy, man. Stop talking like that. 86 00:03:22,638 --> 00:03:24,909 And so if you search your name, this does come up. 87 00:03:24,976 --> 00:03:27,081 Scrub it, Anton. Burn it! 88 00:03:27,148 --> 00:03:29,285 You guys, I've been telling you, you have to bury your past before it buries you. 89 00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:31,924 Yeah, guys. Why didn't you just delete your old accounts like I did? 90 00:03:31,990 --> 00:03:33,360 [mocking] Oh, why didn't we just... 91 00:03:33,426 --> 00:03:34,996 -Come on, Billie. -Yeah. 92 00:03:34,996 --> 00:03:35,030 -Come on, Billie. -Yeah. -[Paul] Hey, Bills? -Yeah. 93 00:03:35,030 --> 00:03:36,165 -[Paul] Hey, Bills? -Yeah. 94 00:03:36,332 --> 00:03:37,936 -Uh, quick question. -Shoot. 95 00:03:38,002 --> 00:03:39,405 Uh, what's "Cinco de Homo"? 96 00:03:39,606 --> 00:03:41,042 -No. -[Paul] Mm-hmm. 97 00:03:41,342 --> 00:03:43,781 -[Billie gasps] -[Issa] Oh, wow! Is that you? 98 00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:45,384 No, no, no, no, no! 99 00:03:45,618 --> 00:03:48,056 -Why didn't you just delete it? -Why didn't you delete your Facebook? 100 00:03:48,122 --> 00:03:50,460 -It's not what it looks like. -It's never what it looks like. 101 00:03:50,528 --> 00:03:52,933 -So then what is it? -It was a themed party. 102 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,937 -[Samir] Themed party. -You gotta do the theme, girl. 103 00:03:55,004 --> 00:03:57,608 We were combining Pride and Cinco de Mayo into one weekend. 104 00:03:57,675 --> 00:04:00,047 So, you dressed up like a gay little tortilla man? 105 00:04:00,346 --> 00:04:03,019 What? How did you... I deleted my account. 106 00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:06,526 Right, so, it turns out deleting your Facebook doesn't remove the photos, 107 00:04:06,626 --> 00:04:10,801 but it means you can't untag yourself from the photos. 108 00:04:12,738 --> 00:04:14,509 So, I can't even scrub it? 109 00:04:15,243 --> 00:04:16,479 No. 110 00:04:16,847 --> 00:04:20,053 -I... -But I just sent emails to 97 companies. 111 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,957 [Issa] Oh, mama. It's okay, mama. Here, come here. 112 00:04:22,057 --> 00:04:23,961 Lots of companies hire racists now. It's okay. 113 00:04:24,061 --> 00:04:25,698 -[Anton] You're gonna be fine. -Don't worry. 114 00:04:25,998 --> 00:04:28,403 Okay, well, it's not our fault we got the Internet 115 00:04:28,537 --> 00:04:30,140 when we were our most horny and stupid. 116 00:04:30,306 --> 00:04:31,543 -[Issa] True. -[Billie] Yeah. 117 00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:33,446 You're telling me that you guys never recreated 118 00:04:33,647 --> 00:04:35,551 -one Mad TV sketch in middle school? -Yeah, I mean, sure. 119 00:04:35,618 --> 00:04:37,922 But I have a real job, so I have to, like, scrub once a month. 120 00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:40,294 Mmm, yeah, and I never had social media, so... 121 00:04:40,426 --> 00:04:41,997 -[grunts] True. That's canon. -Mmm. 122 00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:44,803 -[phone buzzes] -Oh, sorry that's the restaurant calling. 123 00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:47,241 -Got to take this. Sorry, guys. -[Samir blows raspberry] 124 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,146 -Why can't we all be like Paul Baker? -He's like a digital virgin. 125 00:04:50,313 --> 00:04:52,218 I know. His heart is so pure. 126 00:04:52,284 --> 00:04:54,188 It's like untouched country snow. 127 00:04:54,388 --> 00:04:55,357 [FaceTime call ringing] 128 00:04:55,424 --> 00:04:57,427 Yo! What's good, biggest bros? 129 00:04:57,494 --> 00:05:00,802 -Yo! Baker! -What's sloppy, toppy? 130 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,738 -Wait, what? -Who's Baker? 131 00:05:02,805 --> 00:05:06,178 Yo, not much. Just taking the fattest shit of my life. 132 00:05:06,378 --> 00:05:07,616 [all exclaim, laugh] 133 00:05:07,715 --> 00:05:09,719 This is now, right? This is happening now. 134 00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:12,057 Yo, Baker. You gotta get that cute little boy b-hole down here. 135 00:05:12,357 --> 00:05:13,761 We're going psycho on some beef water. 136 00:05:13,894 --> 00:05:16,099 -Come through, baby! -Baker! 137 00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:17,836 [Paul] All right, bro. I'll slide, bro. I'll slide. 138 00:05:17,903 --> 00:05:20,039 I'm trying to go horsey on some liquid shrimps! 139 00:05:20,106 --> 00:05:22,912 -[all exclaiming] -Issa, did you choke him too hard? 140 00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:25,083 -Show us your poo. -Show us the poo. 141 00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:26,319 Show us the poo. 142 00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:28,256 -[Paul] Boom! -Oh, my God. 143 00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:29,859 Oh, my God. 144 00:05:29,859 --> 00:05:29,860 Oh, my God. Who are these men? 145 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,495 Who are these men? 146 00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:32,999 I didn't even know he hung out with men. 147 00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:34,803 [friend] Okay, we'll see you soon. 148 00:05:34,836 --> 00:05:36,105 Show us your dick and we'll order you food. 149 00:05:36,172 --> 00:05:37,341 Kill yourselves. Bye, guys. 150 00:05:37,575 --> 00:05:39,779 [toilet flushes] 151 00:05:40,881 --> 00:05:42,384 [door opens] 152 00:05:42,451 --> 00:05:44,823 [Paul] Ugh. Sorry, that was my boss. 153 00:05:44,989 --> 00:05:46,459 She needs me to cover a shift. 154 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:47,962 But I'll see you guys tonight for Bananagrams? 155 00:05:48,062 --> 00:05:50,067 -Sounds good. -[Paul] Okay. [clears throat] 156 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:53,406 -[blows kisses] Kisses. Love you guys. -Love you. 157 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:54,909 [door opens] 158 00:05:54,943 --> 00:05:56,513 [door closes] 159 00:05:57,849 --> 00:06:00,020 -Follow him. Follow him, follow him now. -Yeah, yeah. 160 00:06:00,053 --> 00:06:01,289 Go, go, go. 161 00:06:01,356 --> 00:06:02,291 Oh, my God. He's not going to work. 162 00:06:02,525 --> 00:06:03,761 Oh, my God! 163 00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:05,397 Grab my shoes. Wait, no, don't grab my shoes. 164 00:06:05,664 --> 00:06:07,602 -I'm wearing my fucking slippers! -[door closes] 165 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:11,643 At number nine worst accent is Japanese. 166 00:06:12,143 --> 00:06:14,682 Oh, my... Just turn it off. 167 00:06:21,428 --> 00:06:23,165 [Issa] What the hell is this place? 168 00:06:25,169 --> 00:06:26,573 -I just... I don't get it. -I know. 169 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,043 -Who were those guys? -I don't know. 170 00:06:28,142 --> 00:06:29,679 And why was Paul Baker talking like that? 171 00:06:29,812 --> 00:06:31,850 [imitates Paul] Big bro, look what you... 172 00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:34,087 He never talks to me like that. 173 00:06:34,087 --> 00:06:34,088 He never talks to me like that. My whole thing is, like, I don't get why he'd hide something from me. 174 00:06:34,088 --> 00:06:35,925 My whole thing is, like, I don't get why he'd hide something from me. 175 00:06:35,991 --> 00:06:37,829 -Like, I'm his girlfriend. -Yeah, and I'm his best friend. 176 00:06:37,895 --> 00:06:40,968 So, if he can lie about this, what else is he lying about? 177 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,738 [intercom buzzes] 178 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:44,809 Oh, no! 179 00:06:46,111 --> 00:06:47,648 [door buzzes] 180 00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:53,661 [Billie] This is a nightmare. I'll be unemployed for the rest of my life. 181 00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:54,930 [Anton] Billie, relax. 182 00:06:55,063 --> 00:06:56,934 If it makes you feel any better, 183 00:06:56,967 --> 00:06:58,737 Issa dressed up as Michael Jackson eight Halloweens in a row. 184 00:06:58,904 --> 00:07:00,674 She went both darker and lighter. 185 00:07:00,741 --> 00:07:03,379 -You're gonna be fine, okay? -You have to help me. 186 00:07:03,547 --> 00:07:05,016 -Me? No. -Yes. Please. 187 00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:06,619 Bills, I'm running on, like, nine hours of sleep here. 188 00:07:06,686 --> 00:07:08,456 -I'm crashing. -You have to help me. Please. 189 00:07:08,657 --> 00:07:10,093 You are the Scrub Daddy. 190 00:07:10,159 --> 00:07:12,231 No. That's a sponge that got famous on Shark Tank. 191 00:07:12,297 --> 00:07:13,700 Okay, you're the Scrub King. 192 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,707 And I am but a humble, unemployed white girl 193 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,077 who wrote "mucho gayo" on her chest at age 15. 194 00:07:19,144 --> 00:07:21,415 -Why'd you do that? -[whispers] I don't know. 195 00:07:21,683 --> 00:07:23,052 Help me. 196 00:07:23,119 --> 00:07:24,321 [sighs] 197 00:07:24,856 --> 00:07:25,992 -Fine. -Thank you. 198 00:07:26,059 --> 00:07:27,628 Who uploaded it? 199 00:07:27,862 --> 00:07:29,933 Uh, Danielle Walters, but I haven't spoken to her in years. 200 00:07:30,568 --> 00:07:32,170 -[Anton] Wait, that's her? -Yeah. 201 00:07:32,237 --> 00:07:34,107 Oh, my God. This is, like, mutually-assured destruction. 202 00:07:34,174 --> 00:07:36,613 Just call her and ask her to delete it. 203 00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,917 -Just call her? Okay. -Yeah, just call her. 204 00:07:40,153 --> 00:07:41,957 -[ringing] -[whispers] It's ringing. 205 00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:43,059 Yeah, great. 206 00:07:43,126 --> 00:07:44,562 [person] Hello. 207 00:07:45,129 --> 00:07:47,334 Hi, is... is this Danielle? 208 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:50,340 No, this hasn't been Danielle's number for awhile. 209 00:07:50,574 --> 00:07:51,777 [scoffs] What? 210 00:07:51,876 --> 00:07:54,014 What do you mean this isn't her number anymore? 211 00:07:54,081 --> 00:07:57,555 Wow, Danielle really wanted to save Brooklyn Nine-Nine. 212 00:07:58,657 --> 00:08:00,694 Why is there a candle next to her name? 213 00:08:01,161 --> 00:08:02,765 -What? -I'm really sorry. 214 00:08:02,832 --> 00:08:05,036 -Oh, my God. She died. -I know. I know that too now. 215 00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:08,810 -Anton, she fully died. -Her cover photo is a psalm. 216 00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:12,150 -Oh, my God. -[Anton exhales] 217 00:08:12,183 --> 00:08:13,386 Poor Danielle. 218 00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:14,990 [clicks tongue] 219 00:08:15,022 --> 00:08:16,659 It's so sad. 220 00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,705 But what do we do about the picture? 221 00:08:23,072 --> 00:08:24,675 Ay dios mío. 222 00:08:28,249 --> 00:08:31,523 -[gunshots on video game] -[♪♪ hip-hop music playing] 223 00:08:31,589 --> 00:08:34,663 Yo, dude. You're right. It is low-key way funnier if the butthole's a mouth. 224 00:08:34,729 --> 00:08:37,367 Right? Wait till I do his balls. It's gonna really come together. 225 00:08:37,635 --> 00:08:39,606 Thing is overflowing. I don't really know what... 226 00:08:39,673 --> 00:08:41,042 -Oh, shit! -[all exclaim, laugh] 227 00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:43,313 Yo, my boys are locked the fuck in. 228 00:08:44,047 --> 00:08:46,152 Bro's Leonardo da Bussy over here. 229 00:08:46,218 --> 00:08:49,158 -[all laughing] -Yo, Baker! Check this out, bro. 230 00:08:49,191 --> 00:08:50,961 [all exclaiming] 231 00:08:51,028 --> 00:08:52,665 [both blowing raspberries] 232 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,268 [doorbell ringing] 233 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,871 Oh, shit. Oh, yo, d-bell's going cuckoo. One second. 234 00:08:55,938 --> 00:08:58,276 Yo, Baker. You going cuckoo for this D? 235 00:08:58,343 --> 00:08:59,880 [all exclaim, laugh] 236 00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:01,549 Your mom was going cuckoo for my D last night, bro. 237 00:09:01,783 --> 00:09:03,119 [all] Oh! 238 00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:05,289 He was fucking your mom and your mom was like, "Yeah!" 239 00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:05,290 He was fucking your mom and your mom was like, "Yeah!" She was just slurping it. She's slurping my balls. I'm gonna... 240 00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:08,997 She was just slurping it. She's slurping my balls. I'm gonna... 241 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:10,901 Oh, my God. 242 00:09:12,237 --> 00:09:14,241 -Uh, what are you guys doing here? -What are we doing here? 243 00:09:14,341 --> 00:09:16,211 [both] What are you doing here, Paul Baker? 244 00:09:16,245 --> 00:09:18,917 -I'm, uh, I was... -[friend] Slide back, Papa Johnson. 245 00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:21,488 We're gonna make his balls look smooth! 246 00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:22,826 [Samir] Paul Baker? 247 00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:27,467 I'm sliding, twin! Yeah, I'm sliding. That's crazy. Nah, the lore's crazy. 248 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,739 The lore's way too strong. It's way too strong. 249 00:09:29,939 --> 00:09:30,874 Guys, I can explain. 250 00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:32,177 -Can you? -Please. 251 00:09:32,177 --> 00:09:33,981 [friends laughing] 252 00:09:34,048 --> 00:09:35,951 This is my other friend group. 253 00:09:36,553 --> 00:09:39,926 -Your other friend group? -Sorry-- 254 00:09:39,993 --> 00:09:41,663 It worked, "Cockathan." His balls look perfect. 255 00:09:41,796 --> 00:09:43,432 That's crazy, Twinothy. That's crazy. 256 00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,805 Nah, that's crazy, bro. You got me cackling off my ass... 257 00:09:45,971 --> 00:09:47,642 -[Issa] Stop! -Please go home. 258 00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,311 Please go home, guys. I don't want you seeing me like this. 259 00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:51,348 Come home. 260 00:09:51,348 --> 00:09:51,382 Come home. [friend] Hey, slide back, big bro! We're gonna test if we got epilepsy! 261 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,920 [friend] Hey, slide back, big bro! We're gonna test if we got epilepsy! 262 00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:56,125 -Why would you test that? -I'm sliding, pimp! 263 00:09:56,191 --> 00:09:58,196 -[friend] Strobe's coming on... -[Issa] Why would you... 264 00:09:58,262 --> 00:09:59,866 -I'm sliding, pimp. -[friend] Coming on in three, two, one. 265 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:03,339 -[mouthing words] -[friends cheering] 266 00:10:03,406 --> 00:10:04,576 [friend] Stop, stop, stop. 267 00:10:04,642 --> 00:10:06,345 I have it! I have it! Stop! 268 00:10:06,411 --> 00:10:08,149 Stop, stop, I have it. 269 00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:19,204 Hmm. "Decorative use only." Hmm, for soup. 270 00:10:19,304 --> 00:10:21,743 Oh, Anton, Anton, that's her. That's Danielle's mom. 271 00:10:21,943 --> 00:10:24,716 Oh, my God, I'm gonna shit myself. I'm gonna shit myself on my nice coat. 272 00:10:24,882 --> 00:10:26,185 Okay. Shh. Breathe, Billie. 273 00:10:26,553 --> 00:10:29,258 Just like you practiced, at me, the entire train ride here. 274 00:10:29,325 --> 00:10:30,761 -Let's go. -Okay. 275 00:10:31,228 --> 00:10:33,199 -Get anything. Grab it. -The hat? Right. 276 00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:34,803 No, we don't carry that. Thank you. 277 00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:37,775 -Hi. Just this hat, please. -Okay. 278 00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:40,514 Wait, Mrs. Walters? 279 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,283 -Yeah. -[stammers] It's Billie. 280 00:10:42,283 --> 00:10:42,284 -Yeah. -[stammers] It's Billie. Danielle's friend. 281 00:10:42,284 --> 00:10:43,787 Danielle's friend. 282 00:10:44,187 --> 00:10:46,994 -Oh, my God, Billie Schaeffer! -Yeah. 283 00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:50,901 Ugh, I was so sad to hear about Danielle's passing. 284 00:10:50,968 --> 00:10:54,074 -I know. -I am so sorry for your loss. 285 00:10:55,911 --> 00:10:57,782 -But... -Oh, my God. 286 00:10:57,848 --> 00:11:01,489 Um, I was actually looking at photos the other day, uh, from high school, 287 00:11:01,557 --> 00:11:05,062 and I found this photo of Danielle and me at this party. 288 00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:06,232 [gasps] 289 00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:08,704 -Cinco de Homo! -Uh... Ci-Cinco de, uh... 290 00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:11,609 -Yeah, um, but you know, I was-- -I remember that night! 291 00:11:11,743 --> 00:11:14,883 You had the moustaches and the maracas. 292 00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:17,421 -Oh, maracas? -Oh! And remember the lisp? 293 00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:19,491 -[Billie] No. -That lisp that you put on? 294 00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:23,299 -So it was "Thinco de Homo." "Thinco." -[Billie clears throat] 295 00:11:23,399 --> 00:11:25,504 Was it a gay lisp, or was it a Spanish lisp? 296 00:11:25,771 --> 00:11:28,042 -Both. -Both. That's why it was so clever. 297 00:11:28,109 --> 00:11:29,846 -[laughs] -That's hilarious. 298 00:11:29,979 --> 00:11:31,448 Billie, you didn't tell me about the lisp. 299 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:34,822 They were so creative and so interesting, it's... 300 00:11:34,989 --> 00:11:38,563 -[sniffles, cries] -Oh... Oh. 301 00:11:39,297 --> 00:11:41,335 It's just a little hard sometimes. 302 00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,807 A-Arlene, I'm coming around. 303 00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:46,112 -[sniffles] It's okay. Thank you, dear. -Anton. 304 00:11:46,178 --> 00:11:49,117 -She's in mourning. -You know what? It's happy tears. 305 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,523 I worry the memories are getting fuzzy, 306 00:11:51,589 --> 00:11:53,927 -and you brought back the memory for me. -You did that. 307 00:11:53,994 --> 00:11:55,463 -Good. -[Arlene] And you know what? 308 00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:59,138 We're always gonna have that gay... gay noche. 309 00:11:59,205 --> 00:12:01,342 -[Anton] Yes. [chuckles] -Whew! 310 00:12:01,408 --> 00:12:02,912 I can't, Billie. There's nothing I can do. 311 00:12:02,978 --> 00:12:06,085 [sighs] Okay. That'll be 68.88. 312 00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:08,623 -[Billie] Oh. -Probably, like, 1,200 in pesos, huh? 313 00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:11,964 -Oh. Laughing through the grief? -[laughs] 314 00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:14,234 -Oh, my God, she's Joan Rivers. -Yeah. 315 00:12:14,636 --> 00:12:16,873 [both laughing] 316 00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:20,681 I'm gonna be honest, it's the hardest scrub of my life. 317 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,587 And I got Fox to pull my entire season of MasterChef Junior. 318 00:12:23,653 --> 00:12:26,526 Anton, every company will do a Google search and they'll find it. 319 00:12:26,759 --> 00:12:28,329 No, they won't. 320 00:12:28,396 --> 00:12:30,000 They have to scroll past so many photos of you at Six Flags, 321 00:12:30,132 --> 00:12:31,636 -it's truly a firewall. -[door closes] 322 00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:33,306 [Anton] Oh, hey. How'd it go? 323 00:12:33,439 --> 00:12:35,343 How did it go with what? With our betrayal? 324 00:12:35,476 --> 00:12:37,147 With... With our great big betrayal? 325 00:12:37,347 --> 00:12:38,917 Good, I feel very betrayed. 326 00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:41,923 You guys, Paul Baker has a whole other friend group. 327 00:12:42,056 --> 00:12:44,127 -Wait, what? -[Issa] It was crazy. 328 00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:47,100 That was not the same guy who asked to borrow my blouse to go to a MUNA concert. 329 00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:48,637 What does that group have we don't have? 330 00:12:48,703 --> 00:12:50,439 -Nothing. Nothing. -Those guys? 331 00:12:50,473 --> 00:12:52,377 -I mean, like, our chemistry is electric. -It's amazing. 332 00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:54,782 -We're diverse as a fuckin' brochure. -[Issa] Yeah. 333 00:12:54,882 --> 00:12:56,118 Yeah. We have almost one of every one. 334 00:12:56,185 --> 00:12:58,222 Also, I'm Paul Baker's straight friend. 335 00:12:58,389 --> 00:13:01,796 Yeah. Boys like us, we have one straight friend, and-and he's mine, and I'm his. 336 00:13:01,963 --> 00:13:03,298 -He-He's fluid. -He's fluid. 337 00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,103 -He's fluid, yeah. -Whose side are you guys on? 338 00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:07,675 -[Issa] Oh, hoo! -[Samir] Wow! 339 00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:10,714 Speak of the devil, and he shall appear, he shall, he shall! 340 00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:14,088 So... I'm-I'm sorry, okay? I-I didn't want you to find out that way. 341 00:13:14,154 --> 00:13:17,594 Well, we did. We found out all about your double life, Mrs. Doubtfire! 342 00:13:17,661 --> 00:13:19,565 -I never seen it. -Me neither. Is it a movie? 343 00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,538 Just... Why did you lie? Are you embarrassed of us? 344 00:13:22,805 --> 00:13:26,144 What? No. I-I-I lied because I'm embarrassed of them! 345 00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:29,151 Look, those guys were my first friends in New York. Okay? 346 00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:32,290 And we'd go out, and we'd drink and bet on sports and whip our dicks out, 347 00:13:32,457 --> 00:13:36,098 and, like, rank each others' shits based on, actually, a really complex system. 348 00:13:36,165 --> 00:13:38,235 -So what, you don't like them? -No, that's not it at all. 349 00:13:38,302 --> 00:13:39,705 I fuckin' love those guys. 350 00:13:40,373 --> 00:13:42,009 My heart, ladies and gentlemen. 351 00:13:42,176 --> 00:13:43,580 -My heart! -[Paul] Look. 352 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,118 Those guys took me in during a really lonely time. 353 00:13:46,185 --> 00:13:48,089 Okay? But then I met you guys. 354 00:13:48,288 --> 00:13:51,729 And you guys talk about your feelings and give each other advice, 355 00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:53,767 and, like, vote. 356 00:13:54,068 --> 00:13:57,307 And ever since then, I've been terrified of you guys finding out about them. 357 00:13:58,108 --> 00:14:01,783 -Okay? They're like my... you know, like-- -Oh! 358 00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:04,421 -They're your shame friends. -What? 359 00:14:04,487 --> 00:14:06,258 It's like the group of friends you've had forever 360 00:14:06,391 --> 00:14:07,961 who you can act completely fucked around, 361 00:14:08,028 --> 00:14:09,699 who you, like, still use the R word with. 362 00:14:09,965 --> 00:14:12,170 -Yes. Exactly. -It's like Billie's friend Onnika. 363 00:14:12,303 --> 00:14:14,107 What? I'm not ashamed of Onnika. 364 00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:16,379 -Oh, really? -[Issa] Wait, no. 365 00:14:16,411 --> 00:14:19,451 We cannot have shame or secrets in our relationship, Paul Baker. 366 00:14:19,518 --> 00:14:21,556 -I know. -Secrets rot relationships. 367 00:14:21,623 --> 00:14:23,827 Like, why do you think my dad had so many affairs? 368 00:14:23,894 --> 00:14:26,967 -Why? -'Cause my mom kept secrets. 369 00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,435 -No, Issa. -No, Iss. 370 00:14:28,503 --> 00:14:30,239 -There's only one solution. -[Samir] I agree. 371 00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:32,645 -You gotta cut them out-- -I'm inviting them over. 372 00:14:32,712 --> 00:14:34,314 -No. No. -[Samir] No. 373 00:14:34,347 --> 00:14:36,384 Yes, yes, yes. You have to let us in, Paul Baker. 374 00:14:36,384 --> 00:14:36,385 Yes, yes, yes. You have to let us in, Paul Baker. No, no, no, Iss, Iss, you will not look at me the same way. 375 00:14:36,385 --> 00:14:39,558 No, no, no, Iss, Iss, you will not look at me the same way. 376 00:14:39,558 --> 00:14:39,592 No, no, no, Iss, Iss, you will not look at me the same way. The two worlds cannot collide. 377 00:14:39,592 --> 00:14:42,097 The two worlds cannot collide. 378 00:14:42,296 --> 00:14:43,833 They already have. 379 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,102 [Billie] Oh, my God, she commented. 380 00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:46,806 -Anton, she commented. -Wait, what? 381 00:14:47,473 --> 00:14:51,314 [Samir] "It was so great seeing you today. Such beautiful memories. Ay caramba." 382 00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:53,820 She bumped it to the top of the feed. 383 00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:56,959 The Six Flags firewall has fallen. 384 00:14:58,395 --> 00:15:00,099 -[Billie sighs] -Wow. 385 00:15:06,946 --> 00:15:09,217 [objects Is this enough food? I feel like they eat so much food. 386 00:15:09,350 --> 00:15:11,221 I don't get why we have to do this. 387 00:15:11,288 --> 00:15:14,896 Samir, we have to show Paul Baker that he can be his full self around us. 388 00:15:15,029 --> 00:15:17,668 Otherwise, like, where do you think he's gonna go next time he wants to play Mario? 389 00:15:17,935 --> 00:15:19,505 -Get that name out of your mouth. -I'm telling you. 390 00:15:19,605 --> 00:15:21,108 You have to be concerned about these things. 391 00:15:21,241 --> 00:15:23,613 -Oh, my God. -Hi! We're here for lunch. 392 00:15:23,713 --> 00:15:27,153 -Hi, boys. Hi. -Here they are. Here they a-- 393 00:15:27,286 --> 00:15:29,625 -Easy, easy. -Hello, ma'am. 394 00:15:30,192 --> 00:15:32,898 Thank you for having us to your lovely home. 395 00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:34,167 -Good. Nice. -[Issa] Mmm. 396 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,038 [friend] Thank you, ma'am. 397 00:15:37,374 --> 00:15:39,512 -[softly] We got this for you as a sign... -Project. 398 00:15:39,512 --> 00:15:42,016 [gulps] We got this for you as a sign of respect for your culture. 399 00:15:42,083 --> 00:15:43,385 Now smile. 400 00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:47,160 Tuck in your shirt. 401 00:15:48,997 --> 00:15:50,534 Gay flowers, nice. 402 00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:52,571 [Issa] So... Oh. 403 00:15:54,008 --> 00:15:55,442 What's going on? 404 00:15:55,510 --> 00:15:58,917 Let's eat! Huh? Let's go. You look gorgeous. 405 00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:00,419 Look at you. 406 00:16:10,306 --> 00:16:12,911 Pardon me, Issa, would you pass the beans, please? 407 00:16:12,978 --> 00:16:16,586 -Sure. Black or pinto? -Um, bla... 408 00:16:17,521 --> 00:16:19,258 What? What are you... What are you trying to say? 409 00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,730 -Bla... Bla... -Do not say it. Do not... 410 00:16:21,796 --> 00:16:23,131 -Bla... -Black? 411 00:16:23,298 --> 00:16:24,434 -You can say black. -Bla... 412 00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:26,839 -You can say... -You can say black. 413 00:16:27,039 --> 00:16:27,975 -Ebony. Ebony. -Blergh. 414 00:16:28,175 --> 00:16:29,645 Black. You can say black beans. 415 00:16:29,678 --> 00:16:31,949 Pinto. Pinto. 416 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,387 Oh, by the way, I love Hanukkah. 417 00:16:34,555 --> 00:16:36,458 I wish there was more nights. 418 00:16:36,826 --> 00:16:39,632 Oh, I'm-I'm not Jewish, actually. I'm Muslim. 419 00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,101 Oh. 420 00:16:42,571 --> 00:16:44,708 Well, I'm a big fan of, uh... [sucks teeth] 421 00:16:47,013 --> 00:16:48,148 What? 422 00:16:50,119 --> 00:16:50,921 Jafar. 423 00:16:51,187 --> 00:16:52,124 Fuck. 424 00:16:52,323 --> 00:16:53,893 Jafar from Aladdin? 425 00:16:54,227 --> 00:16:56,431 Nice. Princess Jasmine gave me my first boner. 426 00:16:56,498 --> 00:16:57,868 [grunts] 427 00:16:58,135 --> 00:16:59,437 You're the most Jewish-looking Muslim guy I've ever seen. 428 00:16:59,572 --> 00:17:01,842 Chips are good. Oh, my God. Pass the guac. 429 00:17:01,909 --> 00:17:04,113 Oh, my God. You know what I wanna know about? 430 00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:08,355 What was Baker like when he first moved to New York? I'm so curious. 431 00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:10,861 You have any crazy stories about Baker? 432 00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:12,598 He was very, um... 433 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:14,835 -punctual. -Mmm. 434 00:17:14,835 --> 00:17:14,869 -punctual. -Mmm. -And on time. -Same thing. 435 00:17:14,869 --> 00:17:16,573 -And on time. -Same thing. 436 00:17:16,706 --> 00:17:18,342 -And he never fucked a couch. -What? 437 00:17:18,409 --> 00:17:20,747 -[table bangs] -Stop. Shut the fuck up. 438 00:17:21,047 --> 00:17:23,787 Okay. I think we all need to just relax. 439 00:17:24,087 --> 00:17:26,492 I think we need to be ourselves. This is a safe-- 440 00:17:26,626 --> 00:17:29,532 I have mental health! I have it! 441 00:17:29,598 --> 00:17:31,969 -You said the quiet part out loud. -[friend] Mm-hmm. 442 00:17:32,036 --> 00:17:34,308 Paul Baker, can I talk to you in the kitchen, please? 443 00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:36,345 Yeah, for sure. Yeah. 444 00:17:36,646 --> 00:17:38,248 I-- 'Cause-- 445 00:17:40,052 --> 00:17:41,789 -Hey. -Why are they acting like that? 446 00:17:41,789 --> 00:17:43,492 What did you say to them? 447 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,864 -Like what? Like perfect gentlemen? -No, Paul Baker. 448 00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:45,931 -Like what? Like perfect gentlemen? -No, Paul Baker. They look like chimpanzees killed a bus full of people and took all their clothes. 449 00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:48,570 They look like chimpanzees killed a bus full of people and took all their clothes. 450 00:17:48,637 --> 00:17:50,841 Before we sat down, Roach asked me if I identified as who or whom. 451 00:17:50,907 --> 00:17:56,719 Cynthia Erivo. That's it. That's the whole sentence. 452 00:17:56,752 --> 00:17:59,291 -Okay, Iss, I just wanted this to go well. -By tricking me? 453 00:17:59,358 --> 00:18:02,097 No, I just thought you could meet them all once now. 454 00:18:02,163 --> 00:18:04,869 Then again on my 30th. And who knows, by then they'll probably all be dead. 455 00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:07,641 Oh, my God. You are still not letting us in. 456 00:18:07,741 --> 00:18:11,014 Paul Baker, I can handle your shame friends. 457 00:18:11,081 --> 00:18:13,986 Issa, trust me, you can't. 458 00:18:14,053 --> 00:18:17,360 -[scoffs] I can't? -Issa. 459 00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:19,497 -I can't? -No, actually, though, you can't. 460 00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:23,506 -Oh. -Issa, no. Issa, please. Please stop. 461 00:18:23,573 --> 00:18:25,911 -I can't. -Don't. Just actually stop, please, Issa. 462 00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:30,820 -Issa. -Yo, kings! Bros, bros, bros! [chuckles] 463 00:18:32,490 --> 00:18:35,429 Who wants to fucking darty? 464 00:18:36,164 --> 00:18:38,836 [friends] Yeah! 465 00:18:38,836 --> 00:18:40,774 [all chuckling, cheering] 466 00:18:40,841 --> 00:18:42,611 [♪♪ party music playing] 467 00:18:42,744 --> 00:18:44,949 -Yes. Oh! -Bitch, fuck that! 468 00:18:45,182 --> 00:18:47,086 [Issa] Hey, Baker. 469 00:18:47,253 --> 00:18:48,757 -[Arlene] Honey, you were making a joke. -[Billie] And you're logged in? 470 00:18:48,856 --> 00:18:50,860 -No, I know, Arlene. I know. -It was funny. 471 00:18:50,927 --> 00:18:52,931 I know, but I'm telling you, it's what Danielle would have wanted. 472 00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:54,300 Tell her I'm wearing the hat. 473 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,704 -[shushing] -No, she'll love the hat. 474 00:18:55,770 --> 00:18:56,873 -[door bangs open] -[shouting, exclaiming] 475 00:18:56,906 --> 00:18:58,442 [screaming] 476 00:18:58,576 --> 00:19:01,916 Hi, boys. We're playing beer pong over here. 477 00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:04,321 -[Arlene] I'm logged in. -Great. Yes, okay. 478 00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:08,797 So, you're gonna wanna click the three dots, then click delete. 479 00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:10,968 [notification chimes] 480 00:19:11,034 --> 00:19:12,971 -There, I did it. -So, she just commented the word "delete." 481 00:19:13,205 --> 00:19:15,544 Okay, so, Arlene, you just commented the word "delete." 482 00:19:16,244 --> 00:19:18,550 -[Roach] Finish it! -Yes, yes, yes! 483 00:19:18,649 --> 00:19:20,453 Roach, Roach. Don't piss in that plant, dude. 484 00:19:20,521 --> 00:19:22,156 Your girlfriend said I could. 485 00:19:22,223 --> 00:19:24,061 Baker's like, "Please, don't piss in the plant, please." 486 00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:26,999 Hey, Baker. Your friend wants to paint a mustache on my face. 487 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,470 -I think I'm gonna let him. -[all] Do it! Do it! Do it! 488 00:19:29,638 --> 00:19:31,542 -Do not let him. -She's my muse. 489 00:19:31,675 --> 00:19:33,679 [Paul] That paintbrush has been places. 490 00:19:33,679 --> 00:19:33,680 [Paul] That paintbrush has been places. -I fucking hate these guys. -Samir, just give in. Stop resisting. 491 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,688 -I fucking hate these guys. -Samir, just give in. Stop resisting. 492 00:19:37,854 --> 00:19:39,625 [friend] Slide back, foot munch. 493 00:19:39,658 --> 00:19:41,829 Shout the name of a random male celebrity. They'll love it. 494 00:19:41,829 --> 00:19:41,863 Shout the name of a random male celebrity. They'll love it. [friends imitating dog barking] 495 00:19:41,863 --> 00:19:43,432 [friends imitating dog barking] 496 00:19:43,566 --> 00:19:46,740 -Kevin James. -[all] Kevin James! 497 00:19:47,608 --> 00:19:49,612 Yeah, my cousin's this kind of straight. 498 00:19:49,845 --> 00:19:51,314 Gerard Butler, y'all. 499 00:19:51,381 --> 00:19:53,052 [all] Gerard Butler! 500 00:19:53,285 --> 00:19:55,189 You're a psycho, dude. They're foaming at the mouth out there. 501 00:19:55,422 --> 00:19:56,826 [Samir chuckles] 502 00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:59,230 -I can't deal with this. -Okay, okay. 503 00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:02,938 Arlene, hi. I'm wearing the hat. [chuckles] 504 00:20:03,573 --> 00:20:06,445 Okay, um, three dots, delete, my love. 505 00:20:06,645 --> 00:20:07,981 [notification chimes] 506 00:20:08,048 --> 00:20:10,152 -Oh, so, now it's her profile picture. -No. 507 00:20:10,219 --> 00:20:13,458 Oh, and now it's her profile picture with the Ukrainian flag. 508 00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:15,496 -I stand with Ukraine. -Three dots, delete, Arlene! 509 00:20:15,697 --> 00:20:17,266 Three dots, delete! 510 00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:20,272 Yo, I can just flag that internally for you, if you want. 511 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:21,976 What? 512 00:20:22,444 --> 00:20:24,681 I work at Facebook. I could have my team do it. 513 00:20:24,748 --> 00:20:26,519 -You work at Facebook? -You have a team? 514 00:20:26,652 --> 00:20:28,857 Yeah, why? Is that, like, surprising? 515 00:20:28,924 --> 00:20:30,627 -[groans] -Bro. 516 00:20:30,693 --> 00:20:32,797 No, uh, that-that would be amazing. 517 00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:36,404 Sweet, bet. But can you do something for me first? 518 00:20:38,308 --> 00:20:41,414 -Um... -You like art, right? 519 00:20:49,263 --> 00:20:51,569 [friends s Paul Baker, Roach just taught me how to dap. 520 00:20:51,602 --> 00:20:52,538 Watch. 521 00:20:52,905 --> 00:20:55,476 -Tobey Maguire. -[all] Tobey Maguire! 522 00:20:55,643 --> 00:20:57,581 -[cheering] -What's wrong? 523 00:20:59,652 --> 00:21:01,556 Anton, do you think I'm a piece of shit? 524 00:21:01,622 --> 00:21:03,693 -What? No. -Really? 525 00:21:03,826 --> 00:21:07,200 I think a piece of you is shitty. 526 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,703 Which is, like, honestly a relief. 527 00:21:08,769 --> 00:21:11,007 It's like when we found out Obama smokes cigs. 528 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:15,717 -[friend] Hit it! -[all] Samir! Samir! Samir! Samir! 529 00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,053 We're the boys! 530 00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,558 See, Baker, you're the only one not being yourself! 531 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:21,763 They love him. [chuckles] 532 00:21:22,731 --> 00:21:26,137 -[Samir] Ow! Cut it out! -[all] Samir! Samir! Samir! 533 00:21:26,304 --> 00:21:28,041 -Stop. -They're killing him! 534 00:21:28,108 --> 00:21:30,613 Oh, shit. Hey, hey! 535 00:21:30,813 --> 00:21:33,418 [all] Samir! Samir! 536 00:21:36,659 --> 00:21:37,961 [Issa] Paul Baker! 537 00:21:38,829 --> 00:21:40,032 What the hell? 538 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,838 -I hate them, Paul Baker. I hate them. -[Paul] I know. I know. 539 00:21:42,938 --> 00:21:45,142 -Make them leave. -Okay, okay. 540 00:21:45,209 --> 00:21:48,583 [all mocking Samir] 541 00:21:49,618 --> 00:21:51,054 Hey, yo! 542 00:21:51,321 --> 00:21:54,428 Holy fuckin' shit, boys. Lock the fuck in for me right now. 543 00:21:54,494 --> 00:21:56,064 For the love of fuck! 544 00:21:56,131 --> 00:21:57,801 [whispers] It's him. 545 00:21:57,834 --> 00:22:00,372 If I don't see four fucking teeny weeny little B sacks 546 00:22:00,506 --> 00:22:02,811 carving straight tires out this bitch, 547 00:22:02,844 --> 00:22:05,249 I'm gonna start going horsey neigh neigh on all this shit. 548 00:22:05,482 --> 00:22:06,485 Comprende? 549 00:22:06,552 --> 00:22:08,122 -Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. 550 00:22:08,623 --> 00:22:10,727 -[panting] Yeah. -Yeah, that's our bad, dude. 551 00:22:10,793 --> 00:22:13,699 I got a pressy tomorrow, but, uh, P.F. Chang's next week? 552 00:22:13,766 --> 00:22:16,204 -Yes, sir. -Gotta take a deposition tomorrow morning. 553 00:22:16,271 --> 00:22:18,008 Good luck, man. Have fun. 554 00:22:18,075 --> 00:22:20,078 -Wait, do you all have amazing jobs? -Nah, I'm a teacher. 555 00:22:20,078 --> 00:22:20,112 -Wait, do you all have amazing jobs? -Nah, I'm a teacher. Love you. Deuces, big bros. 556 00:22:20,112 --> 00:22:21,481 Love you. Deuces, big bros. 557 00:22:21,615 --> 00:22:23,886 Paul Baker, I'm so sorry. That was... 558 00:22:23,953 --> 00:22:25,790 -Went too far. I didn't mean for-- -No, no, no, Iss. 559 00:22:25,857 --> 00:22:28,964 No, you were right about the secret. No more secrets. 560 00:22:29,030 --> 00:22:31,636 All right, from now on, it's Paul Baker, 561 00:22:31,769 --> 00:22:33,573 with just a little bit of Baker. 562 00:22:33,639 --> 00:22:35,944 -Okay? Okay. -Okay. Thank you. 563 00:22:37,881 --> 00:22:40,253 -And one day, you'll meet Paul. -[chuckles] Wait, who's Paul? 564 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,891 -You weren't lying. You're an artist. -Thank you. 565 00:22:42,958 --> 00:22:46,832 Guys, uh, mama, uh, got her photo scrubbed. 566 00:22:47,166 --> 00:22:48,903 -[Paul] Ooh. -[murmuring] 567 00:22:50,072 --> 00:22:51,407 What? 568 00:22:51,609 --> 00:22:53,245 Happy Cinco de Homo. 569 00:22:53,478 --> 00:22:54,682 [Paul] Bills... 570 00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:57,253 -[whistles] And got it. -No, no, no, no! 571 00:22:57,386 --> 00:23:01,528 [♪♪ "FRONT LEFT SPEAKER" playing] 572 00:23:01,762 --> 00:23:05,871 ♪♪ You can find me At the front left speaker ♪♪ 573 00:23:05,937 --> 00:23:08,475 ♪♪ Find me At the front left speaker ♪♪ 574 00:23:08,543 --> 00:23:11,815 This story is about the very first time that I ever saw porn. 575 00:23:11,949 --> 00:23:13,819 Pornography, pornography, a porno, 576 00:23:13,919 --> 00:23:16,759 an adult movie, erotica, "a girly magazine." 577 00:23:16,825 --> 00:23:18,996 So, I love tribal print. I love it. 578 00:23:19,063 --> 00:23:21,401 And this is a tribal top I got, and if you haven't noticed, 579 00:23:21,602 --> 00:23:25,175 I love things that don't have sleeves because I like my arms to be free. 580 00:23:25,175 --> 00:23:25,176 I love things that don't have sleeves because I like my arms to be free. We're in Saint-Tropez. 581 00:23:25,176 --> 00:23:27,380 We're in Saint-Tropez. 582 00:23:27,514 --> 00:23:30,285 Just Saint-Tropez. Oh, beautiful. 583 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,027 ♪♪ You can find me At the front left speaker ♪♪ 584 00:23:34,093 --> 00:23:37,199 ♪♪ Find me At the front left speaker ♪♪ 585 00:23:37,266 --> 00:23:41,107 -♪♪ Find me At the front left speaker ♪♪ - ♪♪ Girl, where are you? ♪♪ 586 00:23:41,174 --> 00:23:44,213 ♪♪ Find me At the front left speaker ♪♪ 587 00:23:44,848 --> 00:23:46,785 ♪♪ Girl, where you at, though? ♪♪ 588 00:23:51,829 --> 00:23:53,131 ♪♪ Call me back ♪♪ 589 00:23:58,876 --> 00:24:00,212 ♪♪ Call me back ♪♪